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Forced Respite

Hello my friends! I'm back!

I feel like I'm in the confessional ready to expunge my guilt and get on with my life. It's been 9 months since my last post.

So, where have I been? Long story - which I will try to shorten. Last December my dad had a colonoscopy which resulted in pancreatitis, and then several hospital visits. He moved in with us for a while during his recovery. I would say that was the proverbial oil slick that caused me to go spinning out of control - away from this blog and away from some of the other things I enjoy.

Adding on, after my dad recovered from all of that, he was finally cleared to have a reversal of his ileostomy. That included several trips to Gainesville and another unexpected hospital stay, but finally, he is doing really well!

Then we planned my mom's celebration of life - and that consumed my life from May through June. First it was planning the party, then cleaning up the house, and then finally, getting ready for houseguests and dinner guests and the party itself. It was wonderful to host my family and finally give Mom her due. Oh, and the day after most of us decided to go to Universal for a day of fun.

July brought a much needed getaway for Dick and I. We hadn't been on vacation since before my mom passed, so it was time! We traveled to St Augustine for a few days to relax, see the sights, and have some amazing seafood.

The rest of the month was spent continuing to monitor Dad's progress - and to see if he would be well enough to take a trip north. Finally, he agreed, and we planned a two week vacation to coincide with my 60th birthday. We were going to fly to NJ, visit NYC, meet Jessi's new boyfriend, and travel to NH to visit with Dick's relatives. I can tell you, I have never planned and packed so well! I was ready!

Then, the night before the trip, Dick wasn't feeling great. I oiled him up, hoping it was just temporary, but the next morning he still wasn't great. I pulled out a covid test, and the rest was history. Three days later I tested positive as well.

So, our plans came crashing down. We were disappointed, but I think my dad was even more so. But for some reason, this trip was not suppose to happen, and I'm okay with that. On the first day, before I started feeling bad, I thanked God for saving us from the "other." I have no idea what the other is, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason, whether we know that reason or not. Maybe God saved my son from a terrible accident because he didn't have to drive down to New Jersey. Maybe we saved my dad from covid because he wasn't on the plane. Who knows? But I don't judge and I'm grateful for everything in my life, because good or bad, it's always for good. I decided I would use this time to get caught up on the things I had set aside for so long.

My forced respite was put into effect when I caught covid, too. I felt bad for two days, but it wasn't until the third day that I tested positive. I had planned on using this time to write - in my journal, in this blog, and add to my Story Worth book. Lots of writing- the thing I had missed for so long, but never made time for because of life happening. But, as soon as I wrote that first journal entry, I was done. God put me on the bench and I had no choice but to slow down, sleep, and recover.

I moved out of our bedroom the day Dick tested positive. I knew I was going to get covid, but I knew Dick would feel better if he could sleep soundly. It was actually better for me, too, as I wasn't bothered by creeping cats in the middle of the night. We both slept a lot that first week, and we ate a lot, too! Boy, was I hungry! And I lost weight! Go figure!

The hardest thing for me was doing nothing. It was all I could do, but I wanted to do more. Keeping busy is what I do, and I didn't know how to be still. But I learned. We watched a lot of tv. I finished one book and started another. I made soup and tried to keep the kitchen clean. But essentially, I did nothing, and after getting past the guilt, it felt good.

I know God was trying to send me a message. I am often moving so fast and have my hand in too many pots that I don't actually pay attention to life racing by. I think I've read some Bible verses to that effect - being too busy to hear the message? I'm not sure. But in this stillness I've been given (willing or not), I have found a contentment and a healing.

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